(Reflections of a seasoned widower)
I was nineteen years old when I said, “I do.” She was, too. What were we thinking? What did we know? Not much, but we knew, for sure, we wanted to be together.
It worked, until it didn’t. Forty-one years later, after eight-plus years of decline due to Parkinson’s Disease, she died at the age of 61. The together-journey ended.
I’m good at living in the moment, not so good at reflecting on the big picture and looking down the road. While married, every day seemed full—because it was full. I loved being married! Looking back now, it was like I was living in this idyllic bubble. Wife. Daughters. Church family. Prosperity. Oh, there were stressors. However, the blessings always outweighed the burdens, and every storm eventually ended. It was a wonderful life!
My bubble busted! My wife died December 25, 2013. My marriage was taken from me. Death stole my marriage. I was a-l-o-n-e! I chose to be married. I did not choose to be widowed. If you haven’t heard, life after the loss of a beloved spouse is a brutal adjustment (even if you saw it coming in long-term caregiving). It’s possible to be resilient, to rehab, to restructure your life—but it takes a lot of effort over an extended period of time. It can be a grueling grind. There’s no better help in that process than the Lord. “I will lift up my eyes to the hills—from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2; ESV). Widowhood is not the end of the world, but it may feel like it initially. There is life after loss, if it’s what we choose.
Over the last 11 years, I have had a lot of time to reflect on what I had and what I lost. Now I see the big picture, more clearly than before. What did I have? What did I lose? A person. A relationship. Marriage!
Marriage is an unparalleled blessing. When we’re married, we have:
Companionship. Someone we love. Someone that loves us. A teammate. A counselor. Someone to talk to. Someone to listen to. Someone to do things with. Someone to do nothing with. Someone to share blessings with. Someone to help you carry burdens. Someone to spiritually exercise with (read, study, and discuss the Bible, pray, worship, serve). Someone to touch. Hold hands with, hug, and kiss. Someone to go to bed with. Someone to get up with…every day…until there are no more days.
Why did I write this blog? (1) I wrote this for the praise of God’s glory (Ephesians 1:6, 12, 14). He certainly displayed His unsearchable wisdom and genuine love for humanity when He saw something “not good” and did something about it (Genesis 2:18-25). Our Father provided an opportunity to experience life married. There’s no blessing like marriage—none! It’s a blessing chock-full of a multitude of priceless blessings. (2) I wrote this for the benefit of those who are married. If you are married, don’t just appreciate your marriage, cherish it! Don’t just live in the moment, reflect on the big picture. Think about what you are experiencing in this season of your life. Don’t take it for granted. Make sure your spouse knows every day how much you appreciate your “together” with them. Talk frequently about what you like about being married to your mate.
Life is about people, relationships, and experiences. Of all the people in our lives, our marital mate is our #1 human priority. That relationship is the only one in the Bible described with the unique phrase “one flesh” (Matthew 19:6). The experiences we have with that mate are our most precious memories.
Marriage is holy matrimony because of its Source and Witness (Genesis 2; Malachi 2:14). It deserves to be honored among all (Hebrews 13:4) and treasured by those who are enjoying it.
~Dean Miller
deanmiller@widowhoodworkshop.com
Widowhood Workshop Ministry (Public FB Page)
Widowhood Workshop 