I arrived for my vision care appointment. I am not a fan of digital check-in, but I did it anyway. When the screen appeared requesting my marital status, I mentally responded, “Are there actually that many options?” Of course, among the options were “Single,” “Married,” and “Widowed.”
When I was 19 years old, one Wednesday night at the local park I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, “Yes!” Less than five months later we said, “I do.” On that Saturday afternoon we changed our marital status from “Single” to “Married.” We were both so excited! It was a youthful dream come true for both of us. A couple hours later, we launched our journey to relocate over 600 miles away from our parents.
Being married to Ruth Ann was a joy. We meshed well together. It was a relatively smooth transition from “Single” to “Married.” The Lord blessed us richly. Three daughters later, we felt even more married—we were a family. There were stressors, but the blessings far outweighed the challenges.
In her early 50’s, my wife was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Her decline was swift for a patient with that affliction. At age 61, she passed away on Christmas morning. Our marriage ended! Forty-one years together was not long enough, but what could I do about it? I had to accept it. That took time.
I chose to go from “Single” to “Married.” I was forced to go from “Married” to “Widowed.” Happy she was “with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:6-8), but I was a mess that she was gone. How do you go on living when the one you love mostdies? Over time and with much struggle, I learned the answer: walk by faith, not sight, nor feelings. Embracing God’s grace became sufficient in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Identifying myself as “Widowed” distinguishes me from those who are “Single.” I am a widower. That reveals two things about me: (1) God blessed me to experience life married. Oh, what a blessing that is! It’s an unparalleled blessing that is chock-full of priceless blessings. God was so good to me that I enjoyed that unique “one flesh” relationship for over four decades. God is good! (2) I hoed my row all the way to the end. Not everyone who marries hoes their row all the way to the end. I did. I said, “…until death do us part,” and I meant it. I lived it.I am proud of the fact that by the grace of God, I was able to care for my wife with a physical affliction for over eight years.
No, I’m not “Single.” I’m “Widowed.” There’s a difference. Perspective matters.
~Dean Miller
deanmiller@widowhoodworkshop.com
Widowhood Workshop Ministry (Public FB Page)
Widowhood Workshop 